If you are married, you may be interested in knowing the fact that in the United States, 40-50% of all first marriages end in divorce.
And second marriages have an even higher percentage of divorce ranging between 60-65%.
Some couples choose to stay married in an unhappy partnership due to financial reasons, children, or the shame of failure, among other reasons.
“Individuals at the crossroads of divorce can sometimes feel like they have to choose between two competing options. ‘Do I divorce so that I can find happiness again, or do I stay together for the family’s sake and remain unhappy?’ We think that is a false choice. There is good evidence to suggest that with the proper help and willingness on the part of both spouses, many marriages that might otherwise end in divorce can become healthy, vibrant, and supportive.”
– Hawkins, Fackrell, & Harris, Should I Try to Work it Out?
The following are signs that may alert you and your spouse or partner that you could benefit from couples counseling:
- Escalating conflict and nasty communication habits.
- Emotional distance and loneliness.
- Falling out of love, i.e. “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
- Trust and commitment issues, such as difficulty relying on a partner or not putting each partners’ well being on par with each other.
- Attachment insecurities that are grounded in feelings of low self-worth and fears of abandonment. This can include extreme dependence, which leads to intrusive behaviors. But it can also include extreme independence which can make a partner feel like they’re not a priority.
- Feeling unsupported and emotionally dismissed or having difficulty with opening up emotionally.
- Sexual intimacy is practically non-existent, there is a lack of desire, and/or it’s rarely talked about.
- Difficulties with in-laws, friendships, work, or life stressors including health issues.
- Abuse, affairs, and addictions (alcohol, drugs, porn, etc.)11
- Differences in parenting styles that lead to conflict.
- Mismanagement and disagreement on finances.
- Things feeling unfair in the division of household chores.
- Untreated anxiety and depression issues that complicate things in the relationship.
- Unequal decision making.
- Difficult childhood upbringings that have emotionally wounded partners and make it difficult to trust your partner or stay engaged when conflict arises.
As a couples therapist, my goal is to deeply understand you and your partner and support you in implementing strategies and tools to change the way you communicate, as well as shift unhealthy dynamics in your relationship. I can help you with your difficult feelings in a transparent way that helps your partner see you better and helps create a new way to win your heart.