Getting married to someone, especially at a younger age, is so often energized by hormones and wishful thinking. Most couples imagine that after the wedding the bliss will flourish as everything about their lives will fall into place. Husband and wife may believe that they already possess the attitude and skills necessary to make their marriage work. Maybe with a little help from his partner and her cooperation, like agreeing with everything he decides, he believes that their relationship will be a happy one. Similarly, his wife expects that he will realize how equipped she is to take charge and cooperate with her making the decisions. Usually, at first, they try to work out their challenges by talking with each other. Failing to see progress, talk steps up to arguing that’s fueled by disappointment, frustration, anger, and hurt. Repeat. They become locked into a habit that they don’t know how to change.
It may be a shock to realize that many couples are poorly prepared for married life. Magical thinking has not prepared a couple for handling their conflict in a constructive way. It takes an intentional effort to shift from what feels like a power struggle to a relationship style that feels less like a battleground and more like a happy marriage.
Sometimes a couple may consider marriage counseling to help them make real healthy changes. That’s not magical thinking. I’d like to help you. Call me at (714) 318-1332.