Here are 10 behaviors or patterns to look for that indicate your relationship needs attention. Check if your answer is Yes.
___1. Do one or more of the “four predictors of marital decline” exist in your relationship? Defensiveness; Contempt; Criticism; Building Walls (The Gottman Institute).
___ 2. Is Anger and/or irritability your predominant mood when you are around your spouse/partner?
___ 3. Is there little to no laughter in your interaction?
___ 4. Is there little to no sexual interest or interaction?
___ 5. Are “Games” rather than authentic interaction the norm? Examples are: sarcasm; ridicule; blaming; getting the kids on your side.
___ 6. Do you/your spouse stay at work later than is necessary to avoid being at home around each other?
___ 7. Do you have difficulty remembering when things were good and you felt loved and had loving feelings for your spouse/partner?
___ 8. Do you feel like no matter what you do, your spouse/partner is never happy with you?
___ 9. Are you hopeless about your future with your spouse/partner?
___ 10. Are you lonely in your marriage, often filling the void with: alcohol, drugs, TV, social media, gaming, risky internet behavior, risky outside relationships that threaten your commitment?
___ 11. Is trusting your partner a concern?
Each relationship is unique, therefore, it’s important to consider in what particular way and to what degree you are affected in your relationship. If you are distressed because of answering “yes” to any one of these questions, then, that may be reason for you to call me.
1-2 checks = Low neglect – Be sure you schedule weekly date nights, return to activities that brought joy in the beginning, add some romance and nurture to daily routines.
3 -5 checks = Moderate neglect – Do the above, add more positive interactions to your day, like gratitude, apologies, appreciation, validation of your spouse’s contributions to your life. If no improvements in 2 months, seek marital therapy.
5 –10 checks = High neglect – I encourage you to make an appointment with me now. Don’t wait because things will get worse over time. CALL TODAY (714) 318-1332 for a free phone consultation. Let’s discuss how to breathe new life into your relationship.
David J. Hodgson, LMFT